365/365

Like previous years, I dedicate a post to reflect on my growth throughout the year. This post should have been out on the last day of December, but I could not bring myself to write it in time.

2020. What a year it has been. To say it was an exhilarating journey is a major understatement. Although mostly full of downs, as seen in Death to 2020 on Netflix, there has been occasional silver lining of good, for the world and for me as well.

Simply reiterating the events that occurred this year would be a boring repetition of the many rewind videos on YouTube. I will just talk about one major topic here.

From joining a new school to learning a new subject, and then experiencing HBL; the major event that occurred would be the outbreak of COVID-19. Admittedly, when I first heard of it on the news, I did not believe it would spread to Singapore, that wearing masks would become a norm (and somewhat turn into a fashion trend) or that it was contagious. Turned out I was wrong.

6 months after Phase 1, it seems as if we have accustomed to the new normal. Well, at least I have. Accustomed to the daily updates in COVID cases, accustomed to wearing masks, accustomed to new daily routines, especially during the holidays. But something was still off.

Hollowness from inside was growing, and the itch to chid those who were not socially responsible multiplied. I kept it to myself, not knowing what to do and believing that some things were beyond any words or actions of mine.

The hollowness, now, I understand, stems from the things that are different. The activities we did and people we could meet pre-COVID all reduced dramatically. I realised I could not, or rather, I did not do something to fill up that void. Finding new activities for me were dependent on the weather, and socialising I felt, should be kept to a bare minimal. These are just little excuses that justified how I spent (and wasted) my time. Ashamed? Yea probably, but I just hope the content I watch will be put into use one day (another excuse). Guilty? Of course (like the person reading this now).

Undoubtedly, all of us shifted to online content to keep our minds engaged and to give us a sense of fulfilment. But did it really? Deep down, are we contented with our choice – every video we clicked; every Instagram story we swiped; every TikTok video liked?

These choices aren’t necessarily all bad. But maybe they are, (and knowing that) we just make enough of them so we can still sleep soundly at night.

My point is our current situation sucks. And continuing with our current lifestyle is not going to work. As much as I hate to say it, I actually want school to start, so that I can enjoy a sense of pre-COVID normality. At least there will be something to fill the empty space.

The itch though, I must admit, is a bit more complicated. Hear me out.

Since COVID started, my family has had several discussions about our plans and to set some ground rules. The common consensus for the ground rules (although they have changed with time) are the following 4 points.

1. Wear a mask when not eating

2. Practise social distancing

Simple enough right? Afterall these are laws from the Government so nobody can really refute them. The next 2 are going to be a little new:

3. Don’t dwell in a place for too long

4. Maintain contact with a small group of people

It took me a while to fully grasp the reasoning behind them, but looking back, they are pretty logical rules which we definitely should try to follow. You can be in groups of 5 people or less when outside, but what is the point if you have multiple groups and you intermingle among yourselves?

Following these rules meant several activities were definitely a no-go. Studying in a library, having a picnic, staying in a chalet with your friends, having a sleepover at a friend’s place, and huge CCA gatherings just to name a few.

I didn’t do any of them, which was a pity because I had such little social connections with my friends over the holidays; but with that extra time, I reflected on why my parents prohibited me from doing these things. And the more I thought about it, the less reasoning I could find for those who did activities like these.

Yes, there are activities some people did which were downright illogical and shows how little social responsibility they had for themselves, and the people around them. I really cannot find a way to justify what they did, and I’m pretty sure they don’t need me (basically a nobody) to justify their actions either.

If you are one of those who did ‘illegal’ activities or partook in one, you probably will stop reading here and go ahead to block me, but that’s because there is some truth in what I said.

Some may say I’m just venting my jealousy cause I don’t have enough friends to do the mentioned activities (there is truth in that statement). But honestly, is there anything I said that is wrong and misleading? Surely you (possibly having more friends than me) came across such incidents on social media.

It’s probably too late to do anything to those people now, and these chunks of words may not even change the way they act/behave. My point is, that people are stubborn by nature, and they won’t change even if you tell them to. This brings me to my next point.

Why do we often need others to tell us what to do, and then change follows? Perhaps we are not self-aware enough of our surroundings. Maybe we are just taking things too leniently.

Ultimately, I found this sentence my dad said during our discussion, to sum up what I’m trying to say: “Do not place the responsibility for your health on those around you.”

The underlying principle comes from not taking things for granted, which I believe is the most important takeaway this year. Because if you get COVID, you are not the one who suffers the most. It is your loved ones, the people who stay with you in the same household (who are older) that will suffer worse consequences.

As youths, we ought to spare a thought for the people around us, especially during this time; instead of always focusing the spotlight on ourselves.

Peace.